Friday, May 17, 2013

Health Care- It's Making Me Sick!

Health Care- It's Making Me Sick!

by Kevin Parsons

I'm not whining that health care is expensive, but the other day I refinanced the house for my annual exam. And yes, my doctor drives a Mercedes, but when I saw a laboratory rat driving one, that seemed excessive. 
When you visit the doctor's, they hand you a pen and clipboard. Wow. Welcome to the 1800s. And you know you fill out the paper and hand it to the nurse, someone back there is going to take your information and sell it to Google.
And the questions, you don't know these people! 'Do you smoke? Do you drink? Do you have an irregular heartbeat?' Yes, when I see my bill.


But actually, if they need so much information from you, why don't they get it from Google? They wouldn't even have to ask the questions. "So, Mr. Parsons, we see that you engage in risky behaviors. Did you know you ran twelve yellow lights last month?"
They always check your blood pressure. Wouldn't it register lower if they checked it before you had to pay? Or before you filled out the questionnaire? I look at the list of questions and wonder if I DO have some of those maladies. Maybe you could check your blood pressure before you got there. You could pay homeless people to give blood pressure checks out on the sidewalk. Now you could shave health care costs and help somebody else out. 
And the waiting room. There must be a service that provides seven year old magazines. I read an article about how the ice man's job is in jeopardy. And who wants to sit around and wait? Maybe they could learn from the Apple Store. The doctors and nurses wander around and help you on the spot. Oops, got a visual there. Definitely not going to work. 
When they put you in the examination room, they should heat it. You put on those thin backward gowns and stick to the frozen table like a kid's tongue to a flagpole. Why don't they heat the tables and chairs? And since health care is so expensive, they should make it feel like you're getting something. That paper tablecloth you sit on, for instance. Wouldn't you feel better if it was smooth and soft, like the hide from an almost extinct animal? 
And everyone is in such a hurry. The nurse rushes in and takes your temperature. The doctor flies through and off to the next patient. Another nurse dashes in and takes all your money. 
The examination room is so sterile too, nothing on the walls except dire warnings about diseases. Why don't they show photographs of the doctor and his family on vacation at a five star hotel in Fiji? You'd get the message: "If you answered 'no' to more of the questions on the clipboard, we wouldn't be here."


 
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2 comments:

Caroline said...

lol. Great post, Kevin, and I totally agree! Do you think you could send it to someone "higher up" that might take action?

................................ Kevin Parsons said...

They would probably pat me on the head and say, 'We got it."
KP