Choosing to lose

The older I get, the more things I lose.

My figure.

The ability to stay awake for the 11:00 news.

The ability to sleep in on a Saturday.

My 20/20 vision.

A certain amount of bladder control.

My keys.

So, if I have to face all these losses, I’ve decided there’s one thing I’m going to lose on purpose –

 my insecurity.

When I was in my twenties, The Golden Girls was a popular TV sitcom. Watching those characters gave me a vision for old age that included the freedom to stop censoring my opinions, the wisdom to value the people who stick with you for the long haul, and the joy of leaving insecurity in the dust of the previous four decades.

(Now that I’m in my fifties, it’s funny that the characters on The Golden Girls no longer seem to be in their “old age.”)

Insecurity is understandable in younger people. Insecure young women often invoke a protective reflex in other people, it makes them quirky and endearing.

Insecurity in an older woman doesn’t invoke protectiveness in others; it invokes the gag reflex. It doesn’t make one seem quirky and endearing but annoying and a little pathetic.

One supreme advantage of getting older is enjoying the freedom of speaking one’s mind and expressing confidence in one’s opinions and abilities. I’ve put in the years, I deserve to inhabit what I know and the skills it’s taken me over fifty years to develop.

So, one loss I’m not only celebrating, I’m embracing, is the loss of insecurity. I speak my mind. I own my space. I’m no slave to the mirror or to the social comfort of others. Watch out, baby, this girl is going for Gold.

Lori Stanley Roeleveld is a disturber of hobbits who enjoys making comfortable Christians continually late for dinner. Her articles appear in numerous magazines. She authors the blog, Deeper with Jesus in Rhode Island, http://loristanleyroeleveld.blogspot.com/. She’s seeking a publisher for her speculative Celtic adventure, The Overcomers. Back in the dark ages, Lori earned degrees in Psychology and Biblical Studies and more recently, a black belt in karate. She’s a wife, mom, crisis counselor, and part-time dragon slayer.