Got Tattoos?

 Got Tattoos? 

            My former co-worker, Linda comes up with some great lines, but my favorite one is “I’m trying to remember what I think I know.” 

            I love her for saying that. I know she did it on purpose to make me feel better for the time I sent my son to the store for ‘some liquid stuff you put on your cereal in the morning’ because I couldn’t think of the word ‘milk.’ But my worst case of memory lapse was when I answered the phone several years ago in the midst of a stressful day and chirped, “Citizens Bank, this is…..” I thought it was outrageously funny that I had forgotten my own name, but the customer on the other end was not amused!

            Aren’t you relieved God never forgets you? From before the world was shaped, He knew you and had a perfect, magnificent plan for your life. Before you ever said “Yes” to Him, He had you in His heart.

copyright, Ron Levellie, 2011
 

            In fact, He has a very unique way of remembering all of His kids: tattoos. If you don’t believe me, look at Isaiah 49:15,16:  “Can a woman forget her nursing child? And have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, but I will not forget you. Behold, I have inscribed you on the palms of my hands.”  God is so in love with you, so thoughtful of your needs that He’s tattooed you on His hands!

            What, you don’t think God would actually put a tattoo of you in His hand? “That’s a pretty painful way to keep me in His mind,” you may be saying. No more painful than nails in His hands and feet. Or a whip on His back. Or, the rejection of His own family and nation. But to Him, you were worth all the pain He endured, just to have you in His family and spend eternity with you. He knew that the pain of His death and separation from His Father wouldn’t last forever, but You would. So He willingly gave His life in your place.

            If He’d go to such a painful death in your place, how could He possibly forget you now? “He who did not spare His own Son, but freely gave Him up for us all, how much more will He freely give us all things?”  Romans 8: 32. 

            When you have sacrificed your own comfort to give to someone in need, He does not forget your labor of love. When you have spent time in prayer for a person who’s wronged you, He remembers your graciousness. When you long to tell someone off but keep your mouth shut, He notes your self control. Every time you pass up a sin or repent of one, He remembers your obedience. And when you are in trouble and anguish, He hears every cry and saves every tear.

            Whether God has actually tattooed or simply written you on His hand, you are forever on His mind. Unlike Linda, me or any of us, He never forgets a name: yours.
 

          The above is an excerpt from Jeanette Levellie's bestselling humorous devotional, Two Scoops of Grace with Chuckles on Top. Connect with Jeanette for more laughter and grace at her website, On Wings of Mirth and Worth.

 

 

No Fool like an Old Fool

By Babs Mountjoy

I remember thinking as a child it would be horrible to have your birthday on Christmas. You know, you’d never get enough presents, people would forget in all the holiday hoopla, you might be traveling and never be able to have a birthday party with your friends.
So I must have been blessed, since I didn’t have a birthday on Christmas. I got it on April Fool’s Day instead.

This, as you may have imagined, has engendered hundreds of jokes over the years. Some of them have even had class. I’m told my fisherman grandfather’s first comment was “Throw her back–she’s too small!” (Back in the 1950s, 5 lbs. 6 oz., was still the kind of baby you just sent home, because there wasn’t all this whiz-bang preemie stuff.) There have been standard variations on the clear fingernail-polished soap, the Handi-wrapped toilet seat, little pranks of all sorts over the years, all done, as their culprits insisted, in good fun. But three stand out.

The first was in my senior year of high school, when my locker was the first one right outside my humorless English teacher’s homeroom. My dear friends conspired to fill my locker with pingpong balls, balloons and other noisy clap-trap, so when I opened it in the morning, it all fell out on the floor. While Norma was standing there. Giving ME a look like it was all my fault. Did you ever try to contain fifty pingpong balls while the morning class bell was ringing? I bet you didn’t.

The second was when my dashing single father let the woman he was seeing tell me they were getting married. She was horrid to begin with, a prissy little clerical worker of some sort, and she flashed this huge-stoned ring about, talking about how she’d be moving in any day, etc. Granted I was still in high school, and it probably wouldn’t have been a bad idea to have a mother there, so I could quit raising my sisters while my father worked. All the same, it was just some kind of joke, at least to someone.

The last one was the birthday party my sister threw for me some ten years ago, when she served this beautifully decorated cake, cut it and handed the pieces out. She insisted of course, as the birthday girl, that I have the first piece, so I took a big bite, grateful for her effort. It was all I could do not to spit it out–she’d iced and decorated a huge cornbread. What a shock.

I’ve never understood practical jokes. While I appreciate the intent, it seems to me they mostly hurt people who aren’t prepared. By all means, pranksters should tag pranksters– they eat it up. The rest of us? We do enough to ourselves.

Writer Cynthia Heimel says, “When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the most gigantic idiot on earth. So what the hell, leap.”

I’ll take the plunge. But I’m taking a parachute along, just in case. This time, I want to share the laugh at the end.

 Barbara “Babs” Mountjoy has written since she was a little girl, unable to restrain the stories that percolated through her fingers onto her keyboard – or, back then, onto the old Royal typewriter. Babs has been a published author for more than thirty-five years, with a number of publications under her belt. Her non-fiction book, 101 LITTLE INSTRUCTIONS FOR SURVIVING YOUR DIVORCE, was published by Impact Publishers in 1999. Her first novel, THE ELF QUEEN, was released under the pen name Lyndi Alexander in 2010. THE ELF QUEEN launched her Clan Elves of the Bitterroot series, under which the second and third titles, THE ELF CHILD and THE ELF MAGE, released in 2011 and 2012. Wild Rose Press released her romantic suspense novels, SECRETS IN THE SAND, in 2011, and, CONVICTION OF THE HEART, in June 2012. Will Rose Press will also release Babs’ THAT GIRL’S THE ONE I LOVE in September 2012. Zumaya Publications published her women’s fiction title, SECOND CHANCES, in July 2012. Babs is a contributor to two CUP OF COMFORT anthologies. She blogs about autism, writing and life at awalkabout.wordpress.com, and spent seven years of her career as a news reporter and editor in South Florida. Her romances/womens fiction books are published under the pen name Alana Lorens, and her fantasy/sci-fi under the pen name Lyndi Alexander.

Two Ways to Feel Young Again

I had another one of those dreams last night. You know the kind—something falls off or falls out at the worst moment.

          In this case, I was to preside over a funeral in my hometown. Folks I’d grown up with would be attending, folks I hadn’t seen since we attended high school.

          I stood in a public restroom to run a comb through my hair just one more time. One stroke later I looked like SethGodin.

          I read this stat in AARP’s November magazine issue: “51% of Americans think they look younger than their age.” I’m not one of them. My wife Ellen should be but isn’t.

          The I’m-older-than-I-look delusion died four years ago when I ordered coffee and got the senior discount without asking. I told the cashier, “I’m 54.”

          She shrugged and gave me my change.

          Despite aging’s obvious advances, I’ve discovered some things that help me live a more youthful life.

          Losing weight. For over two decades, my driver’s license lied. It said, “Weight 175 pounds.”

          Until two years ago, I weighed closer to 200 pounds. Then I got serious about losing the extra weight. I tracked my exercise and calories on Loseit.com and experienced the amazing benefits of a lighter me.

          I slept better—no acid reflux.

          My wife slept better—no more snoring husband.

          My cholesterol went down. My energy went up.

          Just this week, someone who hadn’t seen me for a while asked, “Have you lost weight?”

          I may still look old, but I sure feel younger.

          Laugh. Children laugh about a million times a day (the exact figure may vary from child to child). We adults top out at about three chuckles (in a good week).

          You don’t need a “laugh out loud” movie, the funny papers, or a hilarious read to experience the benefits of laughter. Just laugh.

          While driving, I’ve forced myself to laugh. While home alone (well, the dog doesn’t count), I’ve forced myself to laugh. On one occasion, I forced myself to laugh with my wife listening in another room. She said, “You sound demented.”

          Demented or not, a funny thing happens when you fake laughter. Eventually it becomes genuine. Real or fake, laughter elevates your mood and benefits your body in positive ways.

          By the way, my family and I flew in a jam-packed, smoking-in-the-back Aeroflot flight to the Russian Far East. My sister-in-law gave me The Last Days of Summer to read on the plane. I laughed until I cried. Ellen sat in another row and acted as if she didn’t know me.

          I’m curious. What are some things that have helped you remain youthful? Any hilarious books or movies you’d recommend?

ABOUT T. NEAL TARVER

T. Neal Tarver, a native Texan living in Wisconsin, has served churches in Texas and Wisconsin. He, his wife Ellen, and son Daniel lived and worked for three years as missionaries in the Russian Far East. Tom speaks enough Russian to both converse and confuse.

In 2011, Tom was selected as a semi-finalist in the American Christian Fiction Writers’ Genesis contest. He’s also been a two-time winner of MBT’s “Make Every Word Count Flash Fiction” contest. His debut novel, Dark Eyes, Deep Eyes, is available through WestBow Press, Amazon, BARNES & NOBLE, and other retail outlets.

He currently writes from his home in Richland Center, Wisconsin, or from wherever his travels take him. He posts articles weekly at A Curious Band of Others.

Tom has spoken in churches across America, and in Europe, Asia, and the Middle East